Bullying: Beyond the School Playground

Today (28 February - or the last Friday in February) is International Stand Up to Bullying Day. When I saw this, I thought it was easier said than done. I recall several instances from school, witnessing it, or being on the receiving end. The more profound experiences I have faced have been in adulthood, in the workplace and home.

In one work incident, the line manager knew I was deaf. Despite a few of us being in the team, she favoured the (hearing) males, allocating work to them with no communication to me. I would consistently find out I was left behind, reinforcing historic social anxieties that I was missing out in hearing situations, and not realising how manipulated the situation was. I noticed she would position herself in places of power in meetings where we were all meant to take equal contribution and responsibility (peer supervision). The others would support her, but not my questioning of the process. They would all go to lunch together; go out socially together; and I would find out after the event.

You could question if I was socially inept, but I had a great relationship with the rest of the office. In fact, when we were all disbanded with the pandemic, many pulled me aside and made comments about no longer being under the thumb of this woman's behaviour in the office. Whilst feeling validated, I internally questioned why no-one else stood up to her, but realised she held such a subtle vindictive power over people. That is why I realise it is not so easy to stand up to malicious and subtle bullying, and where social numbers help. We are ultimately social creatures and we do not win by physical prowess. Thus goes the phrase: 'if you cannot beat ‘em, you have to ‘join ‘em’, but that largely depends on your own values and integrity. The pandemic became an easy method for the rest of the office to break free from her manipulative clutches and they still choose to include me, even years after I left the organisation. One person even recalls how this manager stood metres away from me, supposedly talking to me and making no effort to get my attention and then criticised me in front of the office for ‘not listening’. This is beyond the days of the obvious bullying from school, but is an example of systematic microaggressions in the workplace.

Another situation was adolescent to parent violence which came across in many ways: aggression, physical violence against property, verbal and emotional attacks, threats including against pets, and threats and attacks via text messages. No matter the underlying reasons, of which I could be very understanding for the situation that this child had witnessed and was struggling to regulate their emotions, it was not okay to be a verbal, emotional and physical target on almost a daily basis. Being an adult in the presence of a child, with great empathy for the origins of their emotion (but also anger at the absolute origin), is a very different situation to the pervasive, subtle workplace situation above.

These are two very different examples, that are might contrast from the typical playground bullying we might consider. Bullying is an issue that extends far beyond the playground, infiltrating various aspects of life, including the workplace and social interactions among adults, adolescents and children. For the latter, the London Safeguarding Partnership explains how those from the ages of 10-18 can be involved in adolescent to parent violence, which is often related to bullying. Without a doubt, the child above had been powerless in their life in many ways which I think displayed bullying behaviours towards them, and they were re-enacting it.

Image by Engin Akyurt from Pixabay

Often characterised by repeated aggressive behaviour intended to harm or intimidate, bullying can take many forms—physical, verbal, and increasingly, digital/cyber. While it is commonly associated with childhood and adolescence, the NSPCC describe it as: “Bullying is intentional behaviour that hurts someone else. It includes name calling, hitting, pushing, spreading rumours, threatening or undermining someone” : Bullying can and does affect individuals of all ages.

Forms of Bullying

Bullying manifests in multiple ways:

Physical Bullying: Involves physical harm or threats, such as hitting, kicking, or pushing.
Verbal Bullying: Includes teasing, insults, or derogatory comments.
Social Bullying: Often referred to as relational bullying, this includes spreading rumours, excluding someone from a group, or manipulating social relationships.
Cyberbullying: Uses digital platforms to harass, threaten, or humiliate someone through messages, posts, or images.

Microaggressions: Subtle, Yet Harmful

While traditional bullying is overt and easily identifiable, microaggressions are subtle, often unconscious, behaviours that convey derogatory or negative messages to individuals based on their identity or group membership. I would like to stress that connection and being willing to learn is important if someone highlights that you have made a mistake. It is the repetition that can make these a maladaptive dynamic. These can include:

Verbal Microaggressions: Comments that may appear benign but carry underlying prejudices or stereotypes, such as “You speak English so well” to someone who is not a native English speaker, implying they are not truly British (or whatever country you are from). This can also apply to deaf people, who then have a reminder, and pressure, of adapting for hearing people in an audible based language that is not fully accessible. Another one often seen, unwittingly, is ‘can you lipread?’ or ‘you lipread well/my friend can’t lipread’. Lip-reading is a skill, and it depends on the person’s training, background knowledge of the subject, energy, speakers’ own presentation e.g. speech clarity and facial hair – on how easy it is to follow their conversation. This all requires concentration, from the lip-reader and no extra effort from the speaker!
Behavioural Microaggressions: Not including someone in conversations, especially if they have a reason to find it difficult to follow conversations, can be a microaggression. Consistently mispronouncing someone’s name (unless you have a reason – such as you are deaf or have a speech difficulty), or not setting up the environment to include someone, could also be considered as persistent efforts to exclude.

Microaggressions can be particularly insidious because they are often dismissed as minor or accidental, yet their cumulative impact can be profoundly damaging to the victim’s wellbeing and sense of belonging.

Adult Bullying: The Unseen Epidemic

While bullying is typically associated with children and adolescents, it is prevalent among adults as well. Adult bullying can occur in various settings:

Workplace Bullying: Includes behaviours such as unwarranted criticism, exclusion, or belittling comments from colleagues or supervisors. This can lead to a toxic work environment, affecting the victim's performance and mental health.
Social Bullying: Can manifest in adult social circles, where exclusion, gossip, and manipulation are used to control or ostracise individuals.
Cyberbullying: Continues to be a significant issue among adults, with social media platforms often becoming arenas for harassment and humiliation.

Addressing Bullying and Microaggressions

Combating bullying and microaggressions requires a multifaceted approach:

Education and Awareness: Raising awareness about the various forms of bullying and microaggressions is crucial. Schools, workplaces, and communities should implement educational programs to inform individuals about these behaviours and their effects.
Support Systems: Providing support to victims is essential. This can include counselling services, support groups, and safe reporting mechanisms.
Policy and Enforcement: Establishing clear policies against bullying and microaggressions, and ensuring they are strictly enforced, can help deter such behaviours. This includes anti-bullying policies in schools and workplaces.

In conclusion, understanding the complexities of bullying, including the often-overlooked aspects of microaggressions and adult bullying, is critical. By recognising and addressing these behaviours, we can work towards creating safer and more inclusive environments for everyone.

Here is a website that can be helpful: The Anti-Bullying Alliance

The National Bullying Helpline can support anyone who is experiencing different forms of bullying, has a number of resources you can explore, and lists other organisations that can help.

ACAS can also support bullying at work