Glimmers and Open Water Swimming
[This blog leads with a video poem, which is also written at the end].
I hit a wall with a problem I could not solve. It was a point of admission and acknowledgement that I had tried everything I had. It was, in my opinion, incredibly painful, watching people suffering needlessly. I had spoken up as much as I could, and continue to do so. It does not mean I will stop, but I set an intention that if by this date (a Sunday) X did not happen, then I would continue to stand firm in my concern, but I would more so turn my concern inwardly to my own health and wellbeing.
What does this look like for me? This is a turning of something new growing inside. It is saying my existence and value is important. In fact for the cause that concerned me, I had to keep well to manage all the worries it could leave me with. Like the snowdrops coming through after a winter, it was time for something new. Or a return to a well-swam solution.
I decided that it was time for me to look at some swimming goals again. I had done the same thing before with a similar stress, leading to the channel swim and without a doubt I believe it helped me stay well. Swimming is something that really eases me, physically and mentally, more so outdoors than in a pool. I do not know if it is the bilateral movement (similar to EMDR processing both sides of the brain), slow, rhythmic breathing (especially on the out-breath), the cold (anti-inflammatory) or simply the fact that when I am out there there is simply nothing I can do about whatever I am worrying about, so what is the point in worrying about it? Maybe it is a combination of all of these, but I know that I have to have a goal to aim for, to make me actually prepare for the longer, or colder plunges, despite the fact that I have rarely had a bad swim.
Only a few days later, I was reminded of this video, or actually poem I created. I undertook some trauma training with the Oxford Cognitive Therapy Centre, and as part of the training the usual psychoeducation was involved. This included how our brains are designed to focus on the negative, stressors or for some they may even be 'triggers'. The way our brain is designed, these are largely centred around the sensory information we take in; externally and internally. Emotions can be a trigger themselves, or associated with the sensory information taken in. What about training our brain to notice the depth and breadth of the opposite? I have noticed this being referred to as 'glimmers'.
Glimmers are moments of awe that inspire you to be in the moment. They often spark joy and inner calm. They can use any of the senses. They can cause positive uplifts in mood, sometimes only slight, but such is the opposite to triggers. Our nervous system is strengthened by them, and it can give hope when all feels lost.
This picture of a frosted dandelion amongst the frosted grass was a glimmer of mine one day! It is a skill to notice glimmers and even train ourselves to sit in a memory and notice what feels remotely okay or good about it. The poem I wrote, seen in the video above, or written below, included all the senses that were important to me, except hearing (I am deaf!). Why not have a think what keeps you well? How would you describe it with any of your senses?
Just Me and The Ocean (this is on the video at the introduction, and below):
It is just me.
Me and the vast ocean.
Nothing, and everything.
Holding me, I feel weightless.
The gentle, constant stroke of the water.
Soothing my soul.
I rock side to side.
Raising my arms overhead.
Catching the water and seeing the bubbles
Deftly escaping my fingers
Power and strength as the water and I meet in embrace
I push, and roll
All I see is dark blue. And me.
The long arm and hand stretched out
Each stroke a move towards the unknown vast of ocean
I breathe
The land a steady rock
The colours of beach huts dance across my eyes
The blue sky winks and reminds me:
Right now, all my worries, there is nothing I can do.
But swim.
All is well with the world.
It is just me.
Me, and the vast ocean.
English Channel Swim Photos credit on the video: Daz Martin Photography